NEVER SEEN IT: TED

 Mark_Wahlberg_Ted_and_Mila_Kunis_Ted_2012_Movie_HD_Wallpaper-Vvallpaper.Net
BY ISA MONTAGNESE

Date Released: June 29, 2012

Date Watched: May 15th, 2014

Why now? Seth MacFarlane is a big movie man, getting all the big budgets to make sad attempts at comedy nowadays. His newest attempt A Million Ways to Die in the West is out soon, so let us have a look at his last big feature.

Why not then? I detest Seth MacFarlane. Detest. He’s disgusting and this movie looked extra awful.

Expectations:

  • A teddy bear being disgusting.
  • Marky Mark being disgusting.
  • A sad attempt at a romance subplot.
  • Rolling my eyes so much they roll right outta my head.

What I actually got:

  • A teddy bear being disgusting. Why pair a child’s toy with raunch? WHY?!
  • Marky Mark being his Marky-est Mark-est.
  • A sad, sad attempt at making this movie about anything other than penis jokes.
  • A very, very odd take on the bromance
  • Patrick Stewart narrating?!?!?! (I IMDb-ed this fact) WHY?!
  • My eyes are still intact, but just barely.

One night-in stand or second date potential? Disappointing one night in. I wish I’d never seen this piece of garbage. Seth MacFarlane has reached a new low, he’s made me rethink my love for Patrick Stewart… how dare you MacFarlane…. how… dare… you.

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