BY ISA MONTAGNESE
The first thing that struck me about this movie was the dumbass title. First of all it sounds like the 70s (and recent remake) The Last House on the Left, which a friend pointed out to me is THE SAME HOUSE. I mean, not really, but you get me.
The other thing that struck me was Jennifer Lawrence as the lead! She doesn’t seem like a obvious choice to me; she’s tall, kinda buff, tough looking and doesn’t have classic horror doe eyes that reflect the fear in our hearts. I’m down for her as the lead though. She’s not like a lot of horror leads who seem like they can’t handle it and then come into their own and beat the shit out of everyone at the end, Lawrence looks like she’ll beat the shit out of you for making fun of her man voice. I like her.
So, the basic story is, Elissa (Lawrence) and her single mum (Elisabeth Shue) move to the boonies (aka: Ottawa, where it was filmed!) and discover their house was so cheap to rent because the house next door, or the house at the end of the street (ha ha), was the setting of a brutal murder, where a young girl killed her parents. They then find out that the son still lives in the house and is keeping his sister (still alive) in the basement! Oh yeah, and there’s a twist! I won’t give it away because why would you want that useless information from a useless movie in your brain forever?
Things I liked:
- The leading ladies!
- I love a horror movie or thriller where information is revealed to the audience before the characters; it totally adds to the suspense.
- The setting I liked, dark and foresty, and the big house is both my adult dream house and childhood nightmare house.
Things that were unintentionally (or intentionally) hilarious:
- The couple in the car making out. They had the funniest banter.
- The little scary girl was wearing slippers! Everyone knows the scary girl character doesn’t wear shoes and walks over something sharp to show you how scary and gross she is!
Horror staples used and ruined:
- The scary/possessed/undead little girl thing. The Ring (and Ringu) did it right so just leave it be, k?
- The couple in the car in the woods making out! Why would you use such an old horror staple and not give it a twist or something. It was just sad.
- The scary dungeon room. This room looked like one of my old basement apartments. I wasn’t sold.
This movie just isn’t worth it, if you ask me. Just a sad attempt to use an “it” girl’s popularity to sell a half-assed horror movie to teenagers.